If we are able to listen, we will see that our children’s behaviors are telling us something. Their big tears, loud screams and stomping feet communicate that they are tired, angry or scared. The challenge is that when they are in this state, they need help calming down.
Last week I wrote about acknowledging children’s feelings as a way to demonstrate empathy, increase their emotional understanding and to help calm them down. In addition to acknowledging feelings, there are several ways to help children learn to manage their feelings.
Modeling healthy ways to manage your feelings is a very effective way to teach children. If your child watches you yelling when you are angry, that is probably the tool they will use for expressing their anger as well. However, if you express your feelings using calm words, your child will learn how to communicate their feelings calmly too. (For more on modeling, read my blog post: http://www.larosaparentcoach.com/1/post/2011/04/be-the-change-you-want-to-see-in-the-world-gandhi.html.)
Often children are frustrated because they don’t feel like people understand them and they don’t know how to communicate their feelings or needs. Teaching our children communication tools can be an effective way of reducing their frustration and helping them manage their feelings. My son is very social and enjoys interacting with people. He used to scream in order to get attention from people we would pass on the street. He was successful, but I was a bit embarrassed by this type of attention. So, I taught him a different way to communicate. Now, instead of startling the neighbors, he politely says, “hi”.
Another way to help children manage their feelings is to give them alternative behaviors (or coping skills). I have taught my son to take deep breaths when he starts to become agitated. It is amazing how it slows him down, shifts his mood and can even make him smile. When things start to become tense, we take deep breaths together and it helps us both to calm down. Pay attention to what seems to calm your child…is it singing, whispering, or hugging? Then, listen for when your child is telling you he/she needs help calming down, and encourage him/her to use these tools.
Last week I wrote about acknowledging children’s feelings as a way to demonstrate empathy, increase their emotional understanding and to help calm them down. In addition to acknowledging feelings, there are several ways to help children learn to manage their feelings.
Modeling healthy ways to manage your feelings is a very effective way to teach children. If your child watches you yelling when you are angry, that is probably the tool they will use for expressing their anger as well. However, if you express your feelings using calm words, your child will learn how to communicate their feelings calmly too. (For more on modeling, read my blog post: http://www.larosaparentcoach.com/1/post/2011/04/be-the-change-you-want-to-see-in-the-world-gandhi.html.)
Often children are frustrated because they don’t feel like people understand them and they don’t know how to communicate their feelings or needs. Teaching our children communication tools can be an effective way of reducing their frustration and helping them manage their feelings. My son is very social and enjoys interacting with people. He used to scream in order to get attention from people we would pass on the street. He was successful, but I was a bit embarrassed by this type of attention. So, I taught him a different way to communicate. Now, instead of startling the neighbors, he politely says, “hi”.
Another way to help children manage their feelings is to give them alternative behaviors (or coping skills). I have taught my son to take deep breaths when he starts to become agitated. It is amazing how it slows him down, shifts his mood and can even make him smile. When things start to become tense, we take deep breaths together and it helps us both to calm down. Pay attention to what seems to calm your child…is it singing, whispering, or hugging? Then, listen for when your child is telling you he/she needs help calming down, and encourage him/her to use these tools.
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