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Kerrie LaRosaParent Coach

Can you handle the truth?

1/31/2013

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Children lie for many reasons (as do adults), but the most common reason is to avoid getting in trouble. 

What can you do to encourage honesty in your child?

1. Create an environment where it is alright to make mistakes. If there is no room for mistakes a child is more likely to lie for fear of a parent's reaction if he makes a mistake. Respond neutrally to your child's mistake and use natural consequences when warranted (if your child spills his water on the floor, then he needs to clean it up).

2. Model honesty. Our world is full of exaggerated truths, lies and stories. Show your child the value of honesty by practicing what you preach. Be especially careful of white lies and inadvertently teaching your child to lie by having your child tell someone on the phone that you are not home (your child can say "my mother is unable to talk right now" rather than "my mother is not home" simple semantics can convert a lie into a truth!).

3. Catch your child being honest. Praise your child when you notice her telling the truth (especially in a situation where it might be easier to lie).


4. Don't try and catch your child in a lie. If you know what happened then tell your child what you know. "Your teacher told me that you did not turn in your homework. Can you tell me what happened?"

5. Use open-ended questions. If you walk into a room and you see your child next to your favorite (broken) vase, avoid asking, "did you break the vase?" It is too easy and tempting to say, "no" if someone is backed into a corner and is worried about the consequence of telling the truth. Instead you can say, "what happened" or "how did the vase break". This does not guarantee your child will tell the truth, but it becomes a little harder for your child to come up with a story.
 
6. Focus on the behavior the child is lying about rather than the lie. It is easy to get caught up in the frustration that your child lied, but remember the original issue which is the behavior your child lied about.

7. Lighten the consequence if your child tells the truth. Let your child know that she is in trouble for the behavior, but if she tells the truth the consequence will be less than if she is not honest.

Be honest and patient and your child will follow suit.

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Effective Praise

1/24/2013

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Praise can be a powerful way to boost your child's self esteem, foster the development of specific skills and encourage cooperation. Praise, when executed well has the potential to increase positive behavior as well as encourage the development of positive social skills.
 
However, some praise is more effective then others. Here are some tips on how to praise effectively:
 
* Don't over - praise. Focus your praise on behaviors you want your child to improve or behaviors that you know are more difficult for your child and require extra effort.
* Not everything requires praise. Sometimes giving your child neutral feedback is enough. You don't need to inflate your child's ego by telling her she is the next Picasso after drawing a squiggly line. Instead you can describe her work. For example, "wow, you used lots of different colors in your drawing". Letting her know you are paying attention, boosts esteem, improves your relationship and can be more valuable than generic praise.
* Praise specific behavior. "You are sitting quietly while waiting" rather than, "good job". Specific praise let's your child know exactly what he is being praised for and increases the likelihood that he will repeat the positive behavior.
* Praise effort. Praising your child for working hard teaches her
persistence. For example, rather than praising your child for receiving an "A", you can say, "you worked so hard studying for your test". 
* Praise behavior rather than your child's traits. Although children feel good, momentarily, when their character is praised, "you are smart", the result could be the opposite of that intended. Children don't feel they have control over their inborn traits and therefore will feel incapable if they are unable to accomplish a task they have been told they are "good at". However if you praise something they have control over, such as their behavior or effort, they are more likely to repeat that behavior.
* Catch your child being good. Surprise your child by praising their behavior when they don't realize you are paying attention. Giving your child positive attention increases positive behaviors and reduces negative behavior. 
* Describe the impact of their behavior on others. You can teach your child empathy and social skills while encouraging positive behavior. "I know that Grandma really appreciated it when you helped her with her groceries."
  
Read more about praising children's efforts and encouraging persistence in this blog post.

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For the love of reading

1/14/2013

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The library is a wonderful place for children for all the obvious
reason. They have free books,
they promote reading and
they foster learning.
 
Libraries are a great resource for other reasons as well. The library is a great place to go on a rainy day. There are of course the countless books to take you on endless adventures with your child. Most libraries also have a children's section with a cozy  reading area, toys, and puzzles. You can spend hours there without having to spend a dime.
 
The library is an opportunity to teach your child the skills of sharing and responsibility. Your child will learn the concept of borrowing; caring for something that is not his and the responsibility of returning the book in good condition and on time. 
 
For the love of reading, visit your local library and enjoy all it has to offer!

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The Power of Storytelling

1/3/2013

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One of the highlights of the holidays is being with family.  One of my favorite moments from the holidays was watching the interaction between a nephew and his uncle. The uncle was telling the nephew a story. And the nephew was captivated. The uncle's tone of voice, facial expressions and creative storyline engaged the nephew who responded with his own facial expressions of surprise, excitement and anticipation. But, most of all I enjoyed witnessing the connection forming between the two of them as they shared this special moment.

 
In addition to being entertaining, storytelling positively impacts a
child's development in the following ways:
 
* Fosters positive connections and improves relationships
* Builds language skills
* Develops concentration and listening skills
* Increases emotional vocabulary
* Improves feeling identification
 
The best part of storytelling is that all you need is your imagination! You can tell stories anywhere - in the car, at dinner, while on a walk or when you  are at home and looking for something fun to do. So start telling stories and
encourage your child to come up with their own stories. The whole family will
benefit from those special moments!
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    Kerrie LaRosa is a parent coach and a mother of two children. She draws on her professional expertise and personal experience to provide tired parents with some quick tips, resources and fun anecdotes.

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