Children lie for many reasons (as do adults), but the most common reason is to avoid getting in trouble.
What can you do to encourage honesty in your child?
1. Create an environment where it is alright to make mistakes. If there is no room for mistakes a child is more likely to lie for fear of a parent's reaction if he makes a mistake. Respond neutrally to your child's mistake and use natural consequences when warranted (if your child spills his water on the floor, then he needs to clean it up).
2. Model honesty. Our world is full of exaggerated truths, lies and stories. Show your child the value of honesty by practicing what you preach. Be especially careful of white lies and inadvertently teaching your child to lie by having your child tell someone on the phone that you are not home (your child can say "my mother is unable to talk right now" rather than "my mother is not home" simple semantics can convert a lie into a truth!).
3. Catch your child being honest. Praise your child when you notice her telling the truth (especially in a situation where it might be easier to lie).
4. Don't try and catch your child in a lie. If you know what happened then tell your child what you know. "Your teacher told me that you did not turn in your homework. Can you tell me what happened?"
5. Use open-ended questions. If you walk into a room and you see your child next to your favorite (broken) vase, avoid asking, "did you break the vase?" It is too easy and tempting to say, "no" if someone is backed into a corner and is worried about the consequence of telling the truth. Instead you can say, "what happened" or "how did the vase break". This does not guarantee your child will tell the truth, but it becomes a little harder for your child to come up with a story.
6. Focus on the behavior the child is lying about rather than the lie. It is easy to get caught up in the frustration that your child lied, but remember the original issue which is the behavior your child lied about.
7. Lighten the consequence if your child tells the truth. Let your child know that she is in trouble for the behavior, but if she tells the truth the consequence will be less than if she is not honest.
Be honest and patient and your child will follow suit.
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