• Home
  • Services
  • About
  • Contact
  • Resources
  • Blog
  • Testimonials
  • Temperament Form
  • Workshops
Kerrie LaRosaParent Coach

How to talk to children about difficult topics

2/25/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
"Mommy, how are babies made?"
At some point, your child will have questions about a difficult topic such as death, illness, divorce or the birds and the bees.

These questions often catch parents off guard and leave them stumbling over their words. So, be prepared. Children are often thinking about things long before parents are ready to discuss them.

Although these questions require different there are some principles you can follow to respond appropriately and with confidence:

1. Respond only to the question posed. Often parents get nervous and give more information than the child is ready to handle.

2. Wait for a follow up question before expanding. If a child wants more information he will ask. Give him time to respond. If he does not respond, you can ask if he has any further questions before moving on to a different topic.

3. Expect that your child will come back at a later date with more questions. This break in questions is a great time to discuss with your partner how you want to talk to your child about this topic.

4. Be direct and honest. Although it is a parental instinct to protect children from potential hurt, it can be more damaging to lie. Answer your child's questions with brief, direct and honest answers.

5. Use age appropriate language. Consider your child's developmental age when deciding how to answer your child's question. Your language will most likely be different if you are talking to a 4 year old versus a 14 year old regardless of the topic.

6. Keep the lines of communication open. Check in with your child periodically to see if they have any further questions about the topic. Children are often thinking about something more than we realize. Verbalizing can help them to process information better and can reduce the anxiety they may feel about the topic.

If you have further questions about how to discuss a specific topic, please email me and I will help you come up with a plan.

0 Comments

There are Monsters Under my Bed!

2/19/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
Many children have nighttime fears. Fears typically start to surface around 3 years old. Even children who slept in the total dark before, may start to ask for the door open or a light on at bedtime. 


It is normal for children to be afraid of the dark, monsters or even shadows in the room.  For most children these fears are very real and it can make it difficult for them to fall asleep. Because these fears are real it is important to take them seriously and to help children develop a plan for managing these fears. 


If your child is afraid of the dark let them pick out a new nightlight, leave the door open or the closet light on. 

Monsters can be a little more challenging to deal with. Many experts say do not use monster spray to get rid of monsters because you don't want to reinforce the idea that monsters are real. But, for some children they do feel real and it is important to validate their fear. 


Consider your child's developmental stage. If they are around 3 years old they are magical thinkers and therefore you cannot persuade them that the monsters do not lurch around every corner of their room. 
So here is what I recommend: 
1. Listen to your child's fears and validate how they feel. "You are afraid". 
2. Create a plan before bedtime and before it gets dark. 
2. Ask them what they think would help. "What do you think will help you feel safe tonight?"
3. Help your child get rid of the pretend monsters. "Monsters are pretend, but I know you are afraid of the pretend monsters. Let me help you get rid of the pretend monsters." You can use monster spray or any other scare tactic your clever child comes up with. 
4. Reassure your child that it is your job to keep your child safe and remind him of all the ways that he is safe in your home and in his bed. 
5. During the day you can talk about "nice monsters" like cookie monster or the characters on the show, Henry Hugglemonster, so that she sees a sample of a non-threatening monster. 

The bottom line is that the monster may not be real, but your child's fear is real (and the monster may just represent a fear he cannot verbalize). Helping your child develop ways to deal with their fears and starts with validating them! 

0 Comments

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    RSS Feed

    Author

    Kerrie LaRosa is a parent coach and a mother of two children. She draws on her professional expertise and personal experience to provide tired parents with some quick tips, resources and fun anecdotes.

    Archives

    June 2018
    February 2018
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    January 2016
    August 2015
    March 2015
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    August 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    January 2011

    Categories

    All
    Activities
    Allergies
    Baby
    Behavior
    Birth Order
    Book Review
    Children
    Development
    Discipline
    Doctor
    Gifts
    Halloween
    Holidays
    Language Development
    Learning
    Living In The Moment
    Moving
    Parenting
    Persistence
    Picky Eating
    Play
    Reading
    Resolutions
    Safety
    Sharing
    Sleep
    Speech
    Storm
    Stuttering
    Superstorm Sandy
    Tantrum
    Temperament
    Traditions
    Travel
    Waiting
    Yelling

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from brettneilson, rolands.lakis, koroshiya, beelerspace, kellywoolen, Amy McKenzie, nerissa's ring, surlygirl, Enrico Matteucci ☸, aarongilson, dawnhops, Peter Werkman (www.peterwerkman.nl), jem, National Assembly For Wales / Cynulliad Cymru, erin_everlasting, christine [cbszeto], emrank, imcountingufoz, frotzed2, ebmarquez, rumpleteaser, brewbooks, ToddMorris, nutrition education