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Whining is....

3/27/2013

Fill in the blank: whining is_______

....like nails on a chalk board
....a great way to get attention
....a child's demonstration of his persistence skills

Whining happens when a child...

is frustrated
is anxious
is tired
is hungry
wants attention
is testing the limits
learns that its an effective way to get what he wants

What to do when whining happens to you:

* Ignore it
* Actively ignore it: ("I really wish Lizzy would talk in a regular voice so I can understand her")
* Teach more effective communication skills: (Mommy, may I please have a snack")
* Use gentle reminders: ("as soon as you talks in a regular voice, I can help you")

These suggestions work, but my favorite and most effective is to turn it into a game. A lot of difficult parenting moments and power struggles can be diffused with games and humor. When my son is whining, I often play a game where I pretend he has lost his voice and I go on and on hunting for it around the house until he starts giggling and he points to his throat and says, " it is right here", in the most calm, angelic, non-whiny voice that shifts the mood dramatically.

What are your tricks for ceasing the whining?

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Toddler Time

3/14/2013

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When I studied in Costa Rica, the locals distinguished between "Tico Time" (a loose interpretation of time) and "Gringo Time" (when you were expected to arrive at the exact time specified).

Well, toddlers (and some older children), run on their own clock and I call it Toddler Time.
Toddlers have a very vague understanding of time. It is usually measured by what occurs before and after meals and sleep times.
This is why it can be challenging to get toddlers and preschoolers out of the house on time. Being late for something really doesn't mean much to them. But, of course it means something to a parent!

So, what can you do to help your child follow adult time?

Give yourself ample time. Of course there are days when unforeseen things happen on the way out the door, but in order to avoid being too late, start the process of getting out of the house much earlier than seems reasonable. You never know what roadblocks will slow down the process.

Give your toddler ample time. Things take longer when you are first learning to get yourself dressed. Give your child gentle reminders of what he needs to do to get ready. "Here are your socks. Go sit down and put them on. Great job putting on your socks. Now put your shoes on. Thank you." and on and on until you are both ready! Try and stay in the room with him to keep him focused. Parents are often running around the house getting the last minute things ready, but the more distracted a parent is the more distracted the child will be.

Be patient. After you give a command, give your child a little bit of time to start the task before giving him another reminder. Remember - he is working on Toddler Time and doesn't have the same sense of urgency you do.

If you are lucky enough to get out of the house earlier, reward your child and yourself with an extra ride around the block, listening to your favorite song or arrive at your destination early and enjoy some extra time playing or telling stories in the car.

Teach your child time. Introduce numbers on a digital clock. "When this number changes to 8 we need to put our jackets on and get in the car. Not only does this help your child learn numbers and time, but it includes your child in the shared task of getting out of the house.

Be consistent. The more consistent the routine is the less reminders your child will need. One fun way to help improve the morning routine and make it more consistent is to use routine charts. You can pretty easily create one yourself at home or purchase a pre-made one like:

http://www.amazon.com/Do-N-Slide-HATH-TD-for-Toddlers/dp/B004CPPCCA/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1363288874&sr=8-3&keywords=routine+chart

Finally, when you don't have to go anywhere, enjoy Toddler Time and the lesson they teach us about living int he moment. You can read more about that in one of my prior posts: http://www.larosaparentcoach.com/1/post/2011/05/who-has-time-to-stop-and-smell-the-roses.html

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Taming Tantrums

3/5/2013

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Whether you call them the terrible twos or the terrific twos, two-year-olds usually have tantrums. And, unfortunately, tantruming doesn't always stop when children turn two!

It is one of the most common reasons parents contact me. Tantrums are embarrassing, hard to ignore and can be frustrating.

Tantrums are the result of a toddler's emotional immaturity, inability to regulate their feelings and lack of impulse control. A perfect storm.

Most parents have experienced their child screaming, crying, flailing and making a scene. So what can you do about tantrums?

1. Understand them - what is a child saying by their behavior (Is she hungry, tired, or just want something they can't have?)

2. Prevent them - a well-fed, well-rested child with lots of positive parental attention is less likely to throw tantrums. And, if you notice your child becoming irritable, try and figure out what he might need to prevent it from escalating into a tantrum.

3. "Accept them" - it happens to everyone, don't worry about what others think and try and stay calm. It is much easier to manage them if you are calm, and your child needs you to be calm in order for her to calm down.

4. Manage them - there are different techniques which I list below. Which one you use depends on your child's temperament, the intensity of the tantrum and the environment you are in when the tantrum is occurring.

Ignore it if there are not safety concerns.
Read a book out loud while sitting near your child or redirect him and try and engage him in a different activity.
Acknowledge your child's feelings.
When your child is calm, teach her calming techniques such as deep breathing, counting, or asking for a hug and remind her when she is tantruming.
Remove your child from the triggering situation.
Be Consistent. Do not give in.

What are your tantrum taming tricks?

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Whining is....

Toddler Time

Taming Tantrums

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