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Kerrie LaRosaParent Coach

Book Review: The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley 

4/30/2013

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Today I am taking a brief break from the picky eating topic  to review The No-Cry Discipline Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley.


Overview:
In the No-Cry Discipline Solution, Elizabeth Pantley offers readers easy-to-use tools to address common behavior issues in a gentle, loving way. Pantley simplifies the complex job of parenting by offering practical techniques that effectively address behavior as well as strengthen the parent-child relationship.

The Book Teaches Parents:
·       How to adjust parenting attitudes in order to enjoy parenting more and discipline more effectively
·       How improving the parent-child relationship can reduce behavior problems
·       About a child’s emotional development and the impact on behavior
·       Specific discipline techniques to:
 
                        - Address everyday challenges
                         -  Encourage cooperation
                         -   Reduce tantrums, fussing and whining
·       Ways to stay calm and manage anger
·       Solutions to for specific problems such as:
                          - Backtalk
                          - Hitting
                          - Lying
                          - Sharing
                          - Sibling Fights
                          - Teasing
                          - Yelling

Recommendation:
I use the No-Cry Discipline Solution in both my personal and professional life. As a mother I appreciate Pantley’s gentle approach to discipline as well as her nonjudgmental attitude towards parents. As a busy mother, I want a parenting book that is quick to read, offers real, practical advice and is easy to refer back to when a new behavior arises. As a parent coach, I recommend this book for similar reasons. Most of the parents I work with lack time and energy to dig through a theoretical book that makes parenting feel more complex. Instead, they want a book that normalizes their challenges and offers them practical tools that they can start using right away.

There are so many parenting books out there.  So what is unique about Pantley’s book?
* My favorite part of the book is a section that addresses how your actions today can affect your future teenager. It includes a chart, which identifies common challenging teenager behaviors, the preferred behavior and how to encourage it at each developmental stage starting during toddlerhood. By teaching children the preferred behavior (i.e. talk respectfully) early they will be more likely to exhibit it as a teenager. Imagine a teenager who doesn’t talk back and cleans up after herself!

* There is a whole section of the book, which identifies over thirty common behaviors and gives very specific tools to address each of them. This section is very useful and great to refer back to when a specific behavior arises.

* There is another section which is dedicated to creating a calm household and managing anger. Unmanaged anger and frustration increases the likelihood that parents will resort to ineffective discipline techniques that can negatively impact the parent-child relationship, and may increase misbehavior.  Most parenting books shy away from this, but Pantley understands the importance of encouraging parents to change their own behavior before changing their child’s. In this chapter, Pantley, outlines a specific plan for addressing and managing anger.

Please Note:
I would caution readers from believing that this book will end all whining, tantrums and tears which it alludes to on the book cover (“Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums and Tears”). Toddlers and children have emotions as do adults and the goal of the book is not to prevent child from having feelings, but help children manage them better. The book will not help parents eliminate all whining tantrums and tears, but it does give parents the tools to reduce these behaviors as well as the techniques to manage them.



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Deceptively Delicious or Just Deceptive?

4/26/2013

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Ok, so I own the book Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld and I've tried several of the recipes and they are delicious. But, the question is, does the short term goal of getting children to eat their veggies outweigh the long term goal of developing a healthy attitude toward food? And, will those deceived children remain picky eaters into adulthood because they have not been given the opportunity to try a variety of foods?

The very popular cookbooks for parents of picky eaters The Sneaky Chef by Missy Chase Lapine and Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld aim to give children a well-balanced diet by hiding their fruits and vegetables in their favorite meals (think macaroni and cheese with beans and cauliflower or oatmeal cookies with zucchini and banana).

The benefit of this is that children will likely eat more fruits and vegetables without complaints, hassles and mealtime battles. The drawback is that the child does not learn to try or like a variety of foods and therefore when making choices on his own (and out in the real world where most food is not home-cooked with hidden vitamins and nutrients) the older child or adult may not make good decisions about food.

In general, deceiving children rarely works out, but as a parent of a picky eater, I straddle the fence on this one. I want my child to develop the taste for a healthy variety of foods, but I also want to know that he is getting the right nutrients for his growing body and mind. 

Tell me what you think, deceptively delicious or just deceptive?

And, stay tuned for the next blog where I will give specific techniques on encouraging healthy eating.

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Why Won't My Child Eat?

4/18/2013

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What makes a child a picky eater?

Is it nature or nurture? Some research indicates that picky eating is genetic, some say that picky eating is strictly environmental. Well, like many of the nature/nurture debates, it is a combination of the two. A child is born predisposed to being picky and their environment can either encourage picky eating or foster a healthy relationship with food.

Children are picky eaters because.......

1. They may be genetically predisposed to picky eating due to their selective taste receptors that reject bitter foods and crave sweeter foods.


2. They are going through the normal developmental stage (usually in toddlerhood) when they are reluctant to try new foods (this is actually an ancient survival mechanism to prevent accidentally eating a posonorous food). 

3. Acquiring a taste for new foods takes time. It can take up to 15-20 times of trying something new before a child might like it.

4. Some children are sensitive to textures. Babies who will eat anything in the pureed form become resistant to eating different textures such as chewy meats or soft leafy greens.

5. Some children assert their independence with food (and they know it can create lots of parental anxiety when they don't eat). This often results in power struggles and can be a behavioral issue about control. 

6. Picky eating habits may be reinforced by catering to your child's pickiness and giving up on offering new foods
(more on how to avoid this later).

So, now that we understand the picky eater a bit better, what do we do about it? Stay tuned for  techniques for teaching healthy eating, including whether to start training to be the next sneaky chef!

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Eat Your Veggies!!

4/4/2013

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Picky eating is a common concern among parents of toddlers and sometimes older children. Parents worry that their children are not eating enough or getting the proper nutrition for optimal development, sleep and behavior. 

Parents also can become frustrated that their child refuses to eat food they have spent time preparing or wastes food.

In acts of desperation parents often resort to catering to their picky eater, preparing them special meals, sometimes multiple meals at one sitting.

Mealtimes can become a battle, a place of anxiety, and frustration.
This can often worsen the problem making the picky eater more resistant to new foods.

If you struggle with a picky eater, stay tuned. This month I will be writing about picky eating and will help you to learn more about:

1. Why kids are picky eaters.


2. The benefits and disadvantages of becoming the sneaky chef (tricking your child into eating veggies hidden in his favorite foods) hiding veggies in your child's food)

3. Techniques for encouraging your child to develop healthy eating habits

4. Teaching your child table manners: what is age appropriate.

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    Kerrie LaRosa is a parent coach and a mother of two children. She draws on her professional expertise and personal experience to provide tired parents with some quick tips, resources and fun anecdotes.

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