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Kerrie LaRosaParent Coach

Can we send the baby back?

5/30/2012

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This is not an uncommon question from a toddler. Since, the baby is here to stay, forever changing the world of you and your toddler, what can you do to ease the transition?

Be kind to yourself. There will be challenging moments. Remember that you are doing the best you can.

Accept ANY and ALL offers to help. 

Give the older child a present from the baby to encourage positive feelings about the baby.
 
Have someone else hold the baby while you introduce the older sibling to the new baby.

Give the older child a helping role as an older sibling. Encourage your older child to participate in caring for the infant so that it is
a cooperative effort and not just mom's job.

Make nursing time, special reading time with your older child to ease the jealousy of the baby's time with mama.

As difficult as it may seem, make some one-on-one time with your toddler. Put the baby down or ask someone else to hold the baby so you can play with your older child (forget the dishes in the sink and the laundry piling up) - ideally 15 minutes a day.

Arrange for play dates and friends/family to take your child out while you stay and rest with the baby. Also, arrange for someone to watch the baby for an hour in between feedings so you can have some one-on-one time with your older child.

Maintain as much of your pre-baby routine as possible. If your older child was going to day care or preschool make sure someone helps you get him there to minimize the disruption to his schedule.

Expect and accept some regressive behavior. Try to understand what your child is trying to communicate with this behavior
(usually resentment of the baby) and be patient. It is a big adjustment for everyone.

Accept your older child's feelings of anger towards the baby,
give her attention and allow her time to adjust. If she says she wants to send the baby back, acknowledge her feelings by saying, "you miss being the only child in the family."
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What to expect when you are expecting your 2nd, 3rd, or...

5/15/2012

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Parents have come to me asking about transitioning to baby number two. Those that are anticipating baby number two are less worried about what the baby's room looks like, whether they will have enough diapers or even how labor and delivery will go. The worries tend to focus around how to manage caring for an
infant and an older child. They worry about how to manage the schedule; how their older child will react to the baby; and how they will have enough energy to meet the needs of each child, not to mention yourself or your partner. (and, on less sleep).

Here are some things you can expect:
 
-Regressive behavior in your older child. Depending on the age of your older hild/children, they may regress in order to vie for some of your attention. There may be regression around sleep, potty training and general behavior. But, don't worry - this too shall pass!

-You will remember how to take care of a newborn. You will be more relaxed this time around making it easier to handle both children. 

-There will be moments when you want to quit your day job and moments that remind you why you love your job!

-It will seem impossible to leave the house with two kids, but you will do it more than you expect for the sake of your older child
(and your own sanity).

-You and your partner will have to work harder to make time for each other and adult conversations. (Don't expect that to happen right away).

-Your older child may want to send the baby back.

-You will be tired and your older child will show you no empathy.

-The first few months are an adjustment period for the whole amily and you will make it through!

Stay tuned for ways to ease this transition, manage some of these challenges and maximize the pleasurable moments.
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    Kerrie LaRosa is a parent coach and a mother of two children. She draws on her professional expertise and personal experience to provide tired parents with some quick tips, resources and fun anecdotes.

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