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Kerrie LaRosaParent Coach

Clean up, Clean up, Everybody, Everywhere (please!)

7/28/2011

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Parents often ask me, "how do I get my child to be cooperative, helpful and clean up?" It may seem like quite a challenge, but if we start teaching our children these behaviors early, they will continue them through adolescence (great for us parents) and onto adulthood (good for everyone). Today, I will discuss specifically how to encourage children to clean up their toys.     

Children want to be helpful, they want to be involved and they want to do what we are doing. Here are some tips on how to make clean up time go a little smoother. (1) Always give them a warning before it is time to clean up. Younger children may need a timer since they haven't mastered the concept of time. (2) Children thrive on routine so incorporate it into your daily activities. I like to use it as a pre-bath activity. It signals that it is the end of play time and the beginning of the bedtime routine. (3) It is never too early to start the routine - don't worry if your child puts things back in the wrong place - it is the process of cleaning up that is more important than achieving a perfect outcome. (4) Make it fun! Sing songs, make it into a game or dance while you clean. (5) Be realistic with the expectations - young children still need guidance so join your child and help them clean up - it will make it more enjoyable, it will go faster and you will be teaching him/her valuable skills and responsiblity. (6) Give them small, specific tasks, one at a time. For example, "Please put all the blocks in the blue box. Thank you. Now, put the blue box on the shelf, please. Thank you for helping me clean up."    

If the above suggestions don't work, your child may need a little extra encouragement. You can try a reward or a sticker chart. You can also encourage them by saying, "as soon as we finish cleaning up, we can go outside to the park." Letting your child know that we have to clean up before going to the park will likely encourage them to clean up (just make sure that you are ok with skipping the park if he/she decides not to clean up). Keep at it - consistency is key!   

There is a great chart in The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley that describes specific ways to encourage cooperative behavior at each developmental stage so that by the time you have a teenager you can minimze many of the misbehaviors such as leaving a mess, forgetting to do chores and even talking back and bickering.   

Good luck and happy cleaning!


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Nature vs Nurture

7/13/2011

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I am not going to resolve the age old debate, but I can discuss how nature can impact the way we nurture.  Temperament can impact the parent-child relationship.  Understanding our own temperament is as important as understanding our child’s. 

If I am slow-to-warm, it may be harder for me to keep up with my active child. If I fall on the more active end of the spectrum, it might be harder for me to slow down to the pace of my slow-to-warm child. 

Let’s review the basics of temperament and how it may impact parenting. There are generally three types of temperaments (although some children may not fall neatly into one category). The first is the active child (not to be mistaken for most toddlers!). The active child typically has high energy, intense emotional reactions and may be sensitive to sensory stimulation. Next, the slow-to-warm or cautious child may be clingier at times, reserved, and needs extra time to adjust to new surroundings and unfamiliar people/situations. Last, the easy-going child is, typically flexible, goes with the flow and tends not to complain too often. 

It is most effective to adjust parenting techniques to match the temperament of the child. For active children, give them plenty of options for active play; spend extra time preparing them for transitions to new activities, and be creative with parenting (lots of redirection, playful parenting and choices).  For the cautious child, routine is particularly important, as is allowing in extra time to prepare for and adjust to new situations. What about the easy-going child? Don’t worry because they are so flexible, right? Wrong! It is especially important with the easy-going child to help them name their emotional state and encourage their expression of feelings because they are less likely to voice their opinion (even if they have one). 

What is your child’s temperament and how does it match up with your own?

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    Kerrie LaRosa is a parent coach and a mother of two children. She draws on her professional expertise and personal experience to provide tired parents with some quick tips, resources and fun anecdotes.

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