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Kerrie LaRosaParent Coach

To Share or Not to Share

8/19/2011

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The Family Forum at Carmel Blue last night was a success! Thanks to all the parents for coming and thanks to Sharone at Carmel Blue for hosting. I really enjoyed the discussion and I love hearing all the wonderful stories and creative ideas about how to encourage peer relationship skills in your young ones.   

We discussed developmentally appropriate expectations for babies and toddlers, how to teach appropriate social skills such as sharing; how to encourage cooperation among young children, and what to do if children are not getting along. I will share some of the highlights.   

Peer relationship skills can be taught at an early age through modeling the behavior, practicing the skills in play, and learning effective communication ("blocks, please" or "my turn, please"). Although your two-year-old may be capable of learning how to take turns and share toys, don't worry if they don't want to. As toddlers they are full of emotion, egocentric and without empathy so if your toddler is reluctant to give up their favorite toy, remember - this is normal!    

When children are not getting along, encourage taking turns (set a timer), separate the children and redirect them in a different activity. You can play games that encourage cooperation and taking turns, like catch, ring around the rosie, or riding the seesaw.    

Books are a great way to introduce new concepts to children. Free Spirit Publishing www.freespirit.com has great books about sharing and listening. But, practice is the best way for them to develop these skills. 
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Read to Me

8/16/2011

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If you have read my blog before you have probably noticed that I often suggest reading children's books. Reading books is a way to help children understand their feelings, learn new developmental skills and prepare for transitions. 

There are many ways to help children learn, develop and increase their understanding of the world around them.  Talking to them, modeling for them, role playing and giving them positive experiences all are ways to foster their development, encourage positive behavior and prepare them for the many changes in life. 

Reading books to children is another great way to introduce something new, encourage healthy development and prepare for transitions.  One of my favorites is The Invisible String by Patrice Karst, which helps with separation anxiety and reinforces parent-child attachment. Free Sprit Press http://www.freespirit.com/ , Magination Press http://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/index.aspx, and PACT www.pactadopt.org all have a great variety of books for toddlers to teens about dealing with emotions and preparing for life changes.  

Please look at this list that I created to find out my all time favorite books: http://www.skinnyscoop.com/list/parent_coach_sf/top-ten-issue-books-for-children2


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Please go to Sleep!

8/10/2011

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According to the National Sleep Foundation, children spend 40% of their childhood asleep. Sleep is crucial for a child's mental and physical development. A child who is well-rested also tends to be a happier and calmer child.  A lack of sleep not only negatively impacts development, but it can also increase the potential for temper tantrums, opposition and whining - all of the behaviors that make life more difficult for parents! As, I have talked about before, a child's behavior is their way of communicating. If you notice an increase of challenging behaviors could it be due to lack of sleep? If so, there could be many factors interrupting their sleep such as reaching developmental milestones; separation anxiety; nightmares; a change in routine and of course teething.   

I have first hand knowledge (as I am sure most parents do) of how a lack of sleep can impact my child's behavior. In the past couple weeks, a combination of a busy social calendar, early morning wakings and missed naps due to a new developmental milestone of climbing out of the crib (a separate blog for another day) has translated into a clingy, whiny, tantruming toddler and parents with dwindling patience. I took the sleep routine for granted and let a few things slide - no more! My priority is shifting back to sleep. We are back to a low key schedule, a consistent routine and strict bedtime and nap times. Hopefully this will translate into some rest and peace for all!    

For additional sleep tips and to see how much sleep your child should be getting at his/her age go to: http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/children-and-sleep.   

Happy Sleeping!


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Marsha!Marsha!Marsha!

8/9/2011

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  For those that don't understand my title - it is a reference to The Brady Bunch when Jan Brady was complaining about all the attention her older sister Marsha received.  Poor Jan suffered from middle child syndrome. Friday August 12th is National Middle Child Day. Being a middle child I was delighted to learn that middle children are celebrated (sort of since I didn't even know about this day until recently). In celebration of National Middle Child day I thought it would be appropriate to write about the potential impact of birth order on a child's personality.   

    Each child is born into a different family. Many believe that birth order can shape a child's personality as much as biological factors.  However, birth order is only one influence among many on personality and if you are concerned that your child will develop a syndrome like "middle child syndrome" there are things you can do.      

    According to The Birth Order Book: Why You are the Way You Are by Kevin Leman, first born children tend to be leaders, perfectionists and compliant; only children are often confident, ambitious and scholarly; middle children can be independent, diplomatic, and secretive; and the youngest are more charming, social and engaging. Treating each child as an individual with unique traits and avoiding comparisons can help mitigate the impact of birth order on personality development. Leman suggests accepting only children's/first born's imperfections and adding priveledges to their responsibilties; making middle children feel special with individual attention and respect for their opinions; and giving the youngest responsibilities and encouraging their independence.     

So, how has your birth order impacted your personality? How about your child? Take this quiz to find out:   
http://www.parents.com/parents/quiz.jsp?quizId=/templatedata/ab/quiz/data/BirthOrderQuiz_03052004.xml 

Happy Middle Child Day to all my fellow middle children out there!


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Use Your Words

8/4/2011

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Parents tell me they feel silly when they say this. It is tough for both children and adults alike to translate feelings into words and effectively communicate them. For children, especially toddlers, learning to communicate their needs and feelings is a very crucial element to their development and can alleviate a lot of frustration on the part of both parent and child.   

When children don't know how to communicate it can be frustrating. The result is often one of the dreaded behaviors - a tantrum, throwing, hitting, whining. Most misbehavior is an attempt to communicate. Tantrums can mean a number of things from, you didn't give me what I want to I am so tired I don't even know what to do! Throwing a toy could signal frustration about the inability to master a developmental skill. Physical aggression such as hitting or biting could indicate anger that a child took their toy. Whining could mean, I am hungry, bored or you are not paying attention to me.     

Often, when we listen to what our children are trying to communicate, we can help give them the words to express themselves. These words can be powerful enough to minimize those dreaded behaviors. Teach them how to say "help, please", "I would like my toy back", or "snack, please."    

Start with your own words. Model effective communication by using simple, short and direct sentences. Encourage your child to verbalize (or sign depending on their age and speech development) their needs rather than pointing, whining or crying. Soon, they will learn that when they communicate effectively, they get a prompt response from those around them.    Good luck and happy communicating!
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    Kerrie LaRosa is a parent coach and a mother of two children. She draws on her professional expertise and personal experience to provide tired parents with some quick tips, resources and fun anecdotes.

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