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Connect

8/29/2013

Did you know that you, as a parent, have the power and many opportunities throughout the day to connect with your child as a way of engaging their cooperation and preventing a power struggle or possible tantrum?

You need to summon your patience.
You need to be present in the moment.
You need to make a connection.

When your child is whining, take deep breaths, smile and pretend she is talking in a voice that doesn't irritate you.

When your child is complaining about a chore, offer to help and make a game of it.

When your child is pouting, make her laugh.

When your child is on the verge of a meltdown, offer a hug.

When your child is in full blown tantrum mode - acknowledge her feelings and sit with her until she is calm again.

The best part of these techniques is that if they work, it can improve your mood, your child's mood and your relationship!

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Turning the mundane into fun!

8/26/2013

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Sometimes I worry I don't have enough quality moments with my children during the day. I definitely spend a lot of time with them. But, how much of that time is quality time? Some days it feels like I go from managing the challenging moments (the whining, tantrums and the sibling rivalry) to scrambling to get the household tasks done (diaper changes, mealtimes, clean up and laundry, to name just a few!)

I try and reserve time during the day - even if it is 15 minutes - when I am 100% focused on playing with the children - no distractions, no multitasking, but sometimes that doesn't feel like enough (or sometimes the day feels too busy for even 15 minutes of fun). For more on play read my past blogs.

But, then, I remind myself of the many opportunities throughout the day to connect with my children and turn even a mundane task or challenging moment into a quality moment.

A child's whining can be turned into a funny game of making silly voices; washing the car can become a family event; driving in the car can become a game of I Spy and mealtimes are opportunities for connecting with each other and talking about the day.

"The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.” ― Jimmy Johnson

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Unconditional Love

8/12/2013

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“Nothing you become will disappoint me; I have no preconception that I'd like to see you be or do. I have no desire to forsee you, only to discover you. You can't disappoint me” ― Mary Haskell

Being a parent means loving unconditionally. And, loving a child unconditionally means accepting all of him. I'm sure you don't love your child's temper tantrums, but you love your child despite the challenging moments - when your child pushes your buttons, embarrasses you with her outbursts or disobeys your rules.

Loving your child unconditionally and accepting him for who he is teaches him that he is loveable and acceptable and helps him to love and accept others.

You can convey to your child that you accept him and love him unconditionally many ways.
* Give your child lots of hugs and kisses.
* Tell your child you love him (not only when he is smiling or sad but also when he is angry or misbehaving).
* Make a distinction between who your child is and her actions. Your child is not bad, her behavior is bad.
* Read him I Love you Through and Through by Bernadette Rossetti Shustak or:
* Create your own ritual like I do with my children and talk about all the things you love about them:

I love you when you are sleeping
I love you when you are awake
I love you when you are smiling
I love you when you are crying
I love you when you are happy
I love you when you are sad
I love you when you are mad
I love you when you are worried
I love you when you are messy
I love you when you are clean
I love you when your hair is brushed
I love you when your hair is a mess
I love you when you are listening
I love you when you are not listening (they will be surprised by this one!)
I love you ALL THE TIME!

It usually goes on and on. My children love it and we come up with different ones each night that remind us about the day. We are silly and have fun with it. And I started this ritual so they would know that I love every singly part of them (even if I don't enjoy every single behavior)!

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Can we save imaginative play from extinction?

8/1/2013

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If you are familiar with my blog or if you have used my parent coaching services, you know that one of my favorite topics is play. Play has many benefits from fostering children's development, cognitive skills, social skills, academic skills and strengthening the relationship between parent and child. It can even reduce behavioral problems.

According to Alex Speigal in this NPR article Old Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills imaginative play helps children develop the ability to self regulate which can help children, "control their emotions and behavior, resist impulses, and exert self-control and discipline." Yet, "Despite the evidence of the benefits of imaginative play, however, even in the context of preschool young children's play is in decline."

So what can we do as parents to preserve imaginative play and encourage our children to engage in it?

* Limit organized activities and reserve time for free play. Organized activities have positive benefits for children as well, but too many can limit the opportunities for imaginative play.

* Create a play space that encourages imaginative play. Limit the number of toys in your child's play space. Too many toys in one space can actually limit a child's ability to play creatively. Choose toys that encourage role play such as costumes. Or better yet, let your child turn ordinary household items into magic wands, telescopes or microphones.

* Follow your child's lead in play. When your child leads the play he is more likely to use his imagination. Adults tend to give directions, insert their ideas about how things "should" be played. In this way we interfere with the child's imaginative process and ability to develop important thinking skills.

* Let your child make up the rules to games. There is plenty of time for your daughter to learn the rules. For now, let her make them up and create her own game.

* For more information and tips on play read my blogs on play.

"It seems that in the rush to give children every advantage — to protect them, to stimulate them, to enrich them — our culture has unwittingly compromised one of the activities that helped children most. All that wasted time was not such a waste after all." ~ Alex Spiegel

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Connect

Turning the mundane into fun!

Unconditional Love

Can we save imaginative play from extinction?

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