In an intriguing New York Times article, “What if the Secret to Success is Failure” Paul Tough states that children need to experience failure in order to be successful. He posits that certain character traits are as important (if not more important) to a student’s success as IQ. Tough suggests that children who possess character traits such as optimism, persistence and social intelligence are more likely to succeed because they have the ability to recover from setbacks and the will to improve their performance the second time around.
What does this mean for parenting? It means that parents must put their own feelings and worries aside and permit their children to struggle. Parents need to allow children to face natural consequences, teach them persistence skills and praise their efforts rather than their talents.
Hal Runkel, in Screamfree Parenting discusses the need for parents to let go of their anxiety about their children long enough to allow them to face natural consequences (refusing to put on their jacket; forgetting their homework; or losing their favorite pen). It is painful for parents to witness their child being cold, accepting their child’s bad grade; or tolerating whining about a lost pen. But, after facing natural consequences children are more likely to correct their behavior in order to avoid these consequences in the future. The beauty of natural consequences is that parents don’t have to do anything –just sit back, take deep breaths and allow your child to experience the results of their actions on their own. The key is to offer the supportive environment in which they can develop the problem-solving skills and the confidence to try again.
Persistence is a character trait parents can begin to teach at an early age, through play. While playing with your child, praise skills such as patience, staying calm and problem-solving. For example, if your child is working on a puzzle, rather than jumping in to help, offer encouragement by saying things like, “You are working really hard to figure out where the puzzle piece goes.”
Another way to build these character traits is to praise a child’s efforts rather than their talents. Parents want to boost children’s confidence by telling them how athletic, beautiful and smart they are. However, when parents praise a child’s efforts rather than their talents, the message is that if they work hard they will be able to accomplish the task. If they believe that it is their talent not their effort that makes them successful, children lose a sense of control of the outcome. If something is difficult, they are less likely to put the effort into resolving it; they question their talents and give up. Learn more about the secret to raising smart kids by praising their efforts in this Scientific American article.
I don't know that I agree that failure is the key to success.....I would say that persistence is the key to success.
What does this mean for parenting? It means that parents must put their own feelings and worries aside and permit their children to struggle. Parents need to allow children to face natural consequences, teach them persistence skills and praise their efforts rather than their talents.
Hal Runkel, in Screamfree Parenting discusses the need for parents to let go of their anxiety about their children long enough to allow them to face natural consequences (refusing to put on their jacket; forgetting their homework; or losing their favorite pen). It is painful for parents to witness their child being cold, accepting their child’s bad grade; or tolerating whining about a lost pen. But, after facing natural consequences children are more likely to correct their behavior in order to avoid these consequences in the future. The beauty of natural consequences is that parents don’t have to do anything –just sit back, take deep breaths and allow your child to experience the results of their actions on their own. The key is to offer the supportive environment in which they can develop the problem-solving skills and the confidence to try again.
Persistence is a character trait parents can begin to teach at an early age, through play. While playing with your child, praise skills such as patience, staying calm and problem-solving. For example, if your child is working on a puzzle, rather than jumping in to help, offer encouragement by saying things like, “You are working really hard to figure out where the puzzle piece goes.”
Another way to build these character traits is to praise a child’s efforts rather than their talents. Parents want to boost children’s confidence by telling them how athletic, beautiful and smart they are. However, when parents praise a child’s efforts rather than their talents, the message is that if they work hard they will be able to accomplish the task. If they believe that it is their talent not their effort that makes them successful, children lose a sense of control of the outcome. If something is difficult, they are less likely to put the effort into resolving it; they question their talents and give up. Learn more about the secret to raising smart kids by praising their efforts in this Scientific American article.
I don't know that I agree that failure is the key to success.....I would say that persistence is the key to success.
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