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Staying Sane During the Holidays - Creating Traditions

12/24/2012

It's the most wonderful time of the year and the busiest time of the year. Holidays are a chance to share positive experiences that will strengthen your relationships with your children. But, it can be so busy preparing for the holidays and attending everyone else’s holiday celebrations that it can be difficult to find time
with your own family.

Holiday Spoiler #4: Spreading yourself too thin.

Tip: Create Your Own Family Traditions

- Try saying no to some family obligations. If that is too difficulty, arrive late or leave early to carve out time for your own traditions.
- You don't need to celebrate on the actual day - use non-holidays to create your own special family tradition.
- Keep it simple: Creating your own tradition doesn't have to be extra work. Here are some ideas I have gathered from families
of ways they have been able to make the holidays special
without adding stress:

-Including children in the holiday preparations: include them in
shopping, cooking, gift wrapping or get crafty and make ornaments, decorations or holiday cards.

-Get in the spirit of giving: adopt a family; wrap gifts for children in need, volunteer at a food bank or help out a neighbor.

-Borrow the idea from The Elf on The Shelf
book/movie and each morning during the holidays have
your child find an elf (or another item you decide on) hidden somewhere around the house.

-Who says you need to have a fancy meal for the holidays?
Instead of spending the time cooking or cleaning, order food and spend time playing games with your family!

Happy Holidays!!

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Is my child's response to the news about Sandyhook normal?

12/23/2012

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I have had several parents contact me to discuss their child's response to the news about the tragedies at Sandyhook Elementary School. Here is some information to help you understand your child's behavior and know when to seek professional advice.

It is normal for children to explore themes of good and evil in play and in their artwork. However, if this play is in response to traumatic news such as the shooting at Sandyhook Elementary School, it is especially important to communicate with your child's teachers and child care providers and monitor your child's play, artwork and behavior both inside and outside your home.

Contact me or a profession if you notice any of the following:

* Your child continues to repeat the same theme.
* You notice an increasing amount of violence in the play.
* Your child becomes physically or verbally aggressive.
* You notice any changes in sleeping, eating or behavior patterns.
* Your child is experiencing nightmares
* Your child has become more fearful
* Your child is having difficult separating from you or caregivers

To help your child, monitor and limit your child's exposure to information and details in the news and maintain open lines of communication about the events (see tips on talking to your children about tragedies here).

Please contact me if you have questions kerrie@larosaparentcoach.com.

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Staying Sane During the Holidays - Part 3: Less is More

12/22/2012

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"Your children need more of your presence, than your presents" - Jesse Jackson

Holiday Spoiler #3: Your child does not appreciate the gifts
she receives.

Tip: Simplify Gift Giving

Emphasize the other aspects of the holiday. Create traditions that don't center around gifts. Like Thanksgiving, spend time talking about what each family member is thankful for.
Encourage your child to limit his wish list to a certain number of items.
Tell your child know that a wish is something you hope for and that we don’t always get what we wish for.
Talk to your child about the items he’s hoping for most on his list so you know what he really wants.
Encourage empathy for those who have less by participating in a toy drive together.
Include your child in the gift giving part of the holidays so he
learns to give as well as receive. Give children an opportunity to
help pick out a gift, make a gift or wrap the gift.
Open some gifts ahead of time so that it is not so overwhelming and your child can appreciate each gift.
Warn your child before she opens the last gift. Give her something to look forward to after the presents have been
opened (like spending time with you putting together a new toy).
Give children the role of gift-giver during the holidays. They will
love the responsibility of passing out the gifts and will be focused on giving rather than receiving.
Keep your presence in mind when giving presents. Choose gifts that promote family communication and togetherness. Read this wonderful blog on intentional gift giving for ideas: http://marymclaughlinlcsw.wordpress.com/2012/12/16/intentional-giving-10-gifts-to-inspire-family-bonding/

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Giving Sorrow Words

12/19/2012

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"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the
o'er-fraught heart and bids it break." ~William Shakespeare

Grief is a complicated process. The holidays can be a particularly difficult time since it can trigger feelings of sadness about loved ones who have died. This year the people of Newtown, Connecticut and across the United States are grieving the death of the students and teachers of Sandhook Elementary School. Explaining death to children can create more angst in parents. In an attempt to protect children from sorrow and fear of death, parents avoid the topic. A parent's own grief can make it
especially challenging to talk to children about death.

Here are a few tips in how to talk to children about death:

*Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve in order to help your child grieve. Witnessing healthy grieving is important lesson for children in understanding death, expressing their feelings and commemorating the life of the deceased.

*Consider a child's development age, maturity, and relationship with the deceased when determining how to talk to children about death.

*Keep the explanation honest and simple. Avoid words such as "lost", "passed away" or "gone". These Euphemisms can be confusing.

*Encourage your child to express their feelings and ask questions. Due to a child's short attention span and way of processing information, it is normal for them to take small bits of information, go play and then come back later with more questions.

*Celebrate the deceased through photos, memories and rituals (such as lighting a candle or releasing a balloon). Children live in the moment and will appreciate some laughs among the tears (as much as adults do).

*Pay attention to behavioral changes such as increased irritability, impaired attention span and separation anxiety. To mitigate these behavioral changes, give your child extra love, reassurance and attention.

If you want more information about talking to your children about death, feel free to contact me and check out these great resources:

http://www.griefwatch.com/media/wysiwyg/Tear_Soup_Tips.pdf

http://www.amazon.com/Helping-Children-Grieve-Theresa-Huntley/dp/080662549X

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Talking to Children about Tragedies

12/18/2012

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My thoughtst are with the children and families of Sandyhook Elementary school and the Newtown community. It is difficult to talk about, especially to children. Many professionals have written about ways to talk to children about traumatic events, whether they experienced them personally or heard about them. I have listed several of them here. If you have specific questions about how to talk to your children, please comment here or email me at kerrie@larosaparentcoach.com.

Helping your children manage distress in the aftermath of school shootings by the American Psychological Associalation:
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/aftermath.aspx

Talking to children about national tragedies by Parent's Place:
http://parentsplaceorg.blogspot.com/2012/12/talking-to-children-about-national.html?utm_source=Newton+CT+Elementary+Shooting&utm_campaign=How+to+Talk+to+Children+after+a+Tragedy&utm_medium=email&m=1

Tips to talk to children about school shootings by Children's Hospital of King's Daughter:
http://www.chkd.org/HealthLibrary/Facts/Content.aspx?pageid=103

Talking to kids about tragedies: by Rebecca Resnki, PsyD
http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/625505/Talking-to-Kids-about-Tragedies-

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Grandma knows best? Staying Sane during the holiday craze- Part 2

12/13/2012

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Holiday Spoiler #2: Conflicts with relatives about how to discipline your child. You tell your eight-year-old that it is time to go to bed and he informs you that great aunt Ethel said he could stay up as late as he wants.

Tip: You are the parent and you are in charge!
- Gently remind your child and your relatives who is in charge of discipline (you and your partner).
- Prior to spending time with relatives let them know what you
expect of your child so that they can support you in your discipline efforts.
- Remind your child of the household rules prior to visiting with relatives (as well as during the visits).
- Offer extra incentive through rewards or sticker charts for behaviors that are especially challenging for your child.
- Give relatives ideas of fun activities to play with your child and treats to doll out (in moderation) so they can enjoy a fun role and you can maintain control of the schedule and discipline.

For more tips on keeping your spirit while keeping your cool, stay
tuned

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Staying sane during the holiday craze

12/8/2012

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The Holidays are here! They can be magical and they can be stressful, especially with children. For the next several weeks I will I will share tips on managing the stress and making the holidays enjoyable for you and your children.

Holiday Spoiler #1: Out of Control Children: Your toddler is running around the house screaming like a banshee, leaving trails of holiday cookie crumbs, it’s two hours past bedtime and your living room is filled with relatives visiting from out of town.

Tip: Maintain Routine during the Holiday Craze

Just say no. Limit your engagements so your family isn’t overwhelmed and overtired.

Treats in moderation. Focus on healthy eating at home so your child is free to enjoy treats at parties, school and with relatives. Teach your child about moderation and be a role model for him so he learns to say “No, Thank You” (although younger children will need more guidance).

Maintain good sleep habits. Stick to regular bedtimes and wake times as much as possible. If you know that you will be at a party late one night, schedule some low-key rest and play time at home the next morning.

Spend one-on-one time with your child playing (even 10 minutes a day). Your child will cherish that more than any present and you will enjoy the benefits of a happier child!

Give yourself a break. Prioritize your list of things to do and add some downtime for yourself to relax and maintain energy throughout this busy time (even if it is 10 minutes a day).

For more tips, stay tuned.

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Staying Sane During the Holidays - Creating Traditions

Is my child's response to the news about Sandyhook normal?

Staying Sane During the Holidays - Part 3: Less is More

Giving Sorrow Words

Talking to Children about Tragedies

Grandma knows best? Staying Sane during the holiday craze- Part 2

Staying sane during the holiday craze

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