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Managing Holiday Expectations

12/18/2013

With Christmas just a week away, the excitement is in the air! Children are anxiously awaiting Santa's arrival and parents are running around trying to get everything ready.

There is a lot to do to make the day a magical day for the children (or so that is how it feels sometime). But, if you recall my blog post from Halloween, things don't always go as smoothly as we would like. Children enjoy the magic of the day, but that magic does not change their needs. Give them the same attention (if not more) you would on a normal day. Keep their routine as much as possible. Prepare them for what is to come and expect some whining, some tears and a possible meltdown. It is a magical, exciting day, but it will not be perfect (nothing is!). The more you are able to set realistic expectations of the day, the more likely you and your children will enjoy it! By the way, this is as much of a reminder to myself as anyone else!

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Grandma knows best?

12/12/2013

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The holidays are about spending time with family. But, spending time with family can also mean your child is exposed to lots of authority figures - not only do they have you telling them what to do, but they have Grandma, Grandpa, cousin Jeff and Aunt Sue. Well-intentioned relatives may inadvertently confuse your children and undermine your authority as a parent.

Remember: You are the parent and you are in charge!

- Gently remind your child and your relatives who is in charge of discipline (you and your partner).
- Prior to spending time with relatives let them know what you
expect of your child so that they can support you in your discipline efforts.
- Remind your child of the household rules prior to visiting with relatives (as well as during the visits).
- Offer extra incentive through rewards or sticker charts for behaviors that are especially challenging for your child.
- Give relatives ideas of fun activities to play with your child and treats to doll out (in moderation) so they can enjoy a fun role and you can maintain control of the schedule and discipline.

I hope these tips help you to minimize family conflict and maximize family fun!

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Parenting Book Recommendations

12/9/2013

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Many parents ask me about parenting book recommendations. There are so many out there. Some are great, some not so great. But, beyond picking a book that has good information, you want to find the one that is going to be the best fit for you and the issue you are facing with your child/children. I know you do not have endless time to read 10 parenting books to address one potty training issue! So, I have created a list to help you decide which book might be the best book for you (and worth your time!). Here they are:

If you find yourself yelling more than you would like or are anxious about your child's behavior, then Screamfree Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel is the right book for you. Runkel helps parents look at the larger picture and avoid sweating the small stuff in parenting. Runkel has great ideas for managing parental stress and tips on using natural and logical consequences to effectively manage challenging behaviors.

If you want to learn how to use play to encourage cooperation then Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen will be worth the read. Cohen explores ways to use games such as red light, green light and wrestling to strengthen the parent-child relationship, increase children's emotional regulation skills and gain cooperation from otherwise resistant children.

Do you have a spirited child? Then read,
Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Kurcinka helps parents to understand their spirited child, create an environment to foster their spirited child's strenghts and strategies for managing challenging behaviors.

Having trouble communicating with your child? Then I suggest reading, How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Not only do Faber and Mazlish help you find ways to improve your communication with your child, but they teach you ways to teach your child to communicate their needs and to regulate their feelings.

Are your children constantly bickering? Then check out Faber and Mazlish's book on improving sibling relationships and reducing rivalry: Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

Does your child have a hard time regulating their emotions?
The Whole Brain Child: 12 Strategies for Nurturing your Child’s Developing Mind: by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson uses everyday language to explain how a child’s immature brain can impact behavior. They also review strategies to foster a child’s brain development as well as manage every day challenges by helping children integrate both their left and right brains.

Do you need to discuss a difficult topic with your child such as death or divorce, but you don't know what to say? Then, I highly recommend reading, Just Tell me What to Say by Betsy Brown Braun. Braun covers topics such as potty training, sibling rivalry, serious illness, natural disasters, birds and the bees and more. She gives parents developmentally appropriate scripts to help them discuss these difficult topics with their children.

Are you looking for a general parenting book about discipline? These are my go-to favorites:

The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

You’re Not the Boss of Me by Betsy Brown Braun

SOS Help for Parents by Lynn Clark, Ph.D.

The Incredible Years by Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D

If you have a specific issue you want to read about, email me for a book suggestion.

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Staying Sane During the Holiday Craze

12/5/2013

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The Holidays are here and I hear from parents and know from experience that they can be both magical and stressful! So, every year I like to share some tips (as a reminder to myself as much as everyone else) to make the Holidays more enjoyable.

Holiday Spoiler #1: Out of Control Children: Your toddler is running around the house screaming like a banshee, leaving trails of holiday cookie crumbs, it’s two hours past bedtime and your living room is filled with relatives visiting from out of town.

Tip: Maintain Routine during the Holiday Craze

Just say no. Limit your engagements so your family isn’t overwhelmed and overtired.

Treats in moderation. Focus on healthy eating at home so your child is free to enjoy treats at parties, school and with relatives. Teach your child about moderation and be a role model for him so he learns to say “No, Thank You” (although younger children will need more guidance).

Maintain good sleep habits. Stick to regular bedtimes and wake times as much as possible. If you know that you will be at a party late one night, schedule some low-key rest and play time at home the next morning.

Spend one-on-one time with your child playing (even 10 minutes a day). Your child will cherish that more than any present and you will enjoy the benefits of a happier child!

Give yourself a break. Prioritize your list of things to do and add some downtime for yourself to relax and maintain energy throughout this busy time (even if it is 10 minutes a day).

For more tips, stay tuned.

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Managing Holiday Expectations

Grandma knows best?

Parenting Book Recommendations

Staying Sane During the Holiday Craze

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