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Kerrie LaRosaParent Coach

Can we send the baby back?

5/30/2012

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This is not an uncommon question from a toddler. Since, the baby is here to stay, forever changing the world of you and your toddler, what can you do to ease the transition?

Be kind to yourself. There will be challenging moments. Remember that you are doing the best you can.

Accept ANY and ALL offers to help. 

Give the older child a present from the baby to encourage positive feelings about the baby.
 
Have someone else hold the baby while you introduce the older sibling to the new baby.

Give the older child a helping role as an older sibling. Encourage your older child to participate in caring for the infant so that it is
a cooperative effort and not just mom's job.

Make nursing time, special reading time with your older child to ease the jealousy of the baby's time with mama.

As difficult as it may seem, make some one-on-one time with your toddler. Put the baby down or ask someone else to hold the baby so you can play with your older child (forget the dishes in the sink and the laundry piling up) - ideally 15 minutes a day.

Arrange for play dates and friends/family to take your child out while you stay and rest with the baby. Also, arrange for someone to watch the baby for an hour in between feedings so you can have some one-on-one time with your older child.

Maintain as much of your pre-baby routine as possible. If your older child was going to day care or preschool make sure someone helps you get him there to minimize the disruption to his schedule.

Expect and accept some regressive behavior. Try to understand what your child is trying to communicate with this behavior
(usually resentment of the baby) and be patient. It is a big adjustment for everyone.

Accept your older child's feelings of anger towards the baby,
give her attention and allow her time to adjust. If she says she wants to send the baby back, acknowledge her feelings by saying, "you miss being the only child in the family."
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    Kerrie LaRosa is a parent coach and a mother of two children. She draws on her professional expertise and personal experience to provide tired parents with some quick tips, resources and fun anecdotes.

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