Category: Behavior - Kerrie LaRosaParent Coach

Eat Your Veggies!!

4/4/2013

Picky eating is a common concern among parents of toddlers and sometimes older children. Parents worry that their children are not eating enough or getting the proper nutrition for optimal development, sleep and behavior.

Parents also can become frustrated that their child refuses to eat food they have spent time preparing or wastes food.

In acts of desperation parents often resort to catering to their picky eater, preparing them special meals, sometimes multiple meals at one sitting.

Mealtimes can become a battle, a place of anxiety, and frustration.
This can often worsen the problem making the picky eater more resistant to new foods.

If you struggle with a picky eater, stay tuned. This month I will be writing about picky eating and will help you to learn more about:

1. Why kids are picky eaters.

2. The benefits and disadvantages of becoming the sneaky chef (tricking your child into eating veggies hidden in his favorite foods) hiding veggies in your child's food)

3. Techniques for encouraging your child to develop healthy eating habits

4. Teaching your child table manners: what is age appropriate.

Is my child's response to the news about Sandyhook normal?

12/23/2012

I have had several parents contact me to discuss their child's response to the news about the tragedies at Sandyhook Elementary School. Here is some information to help you understand your child's behavior and know when to seek professional advice.

It is normal for children to explore themes of good and evil in play and in their artwork. However, if this play is in response to traumatic news such as the shooting at Sandyhook Elementary School, it is especially important to communicate with your child's teachers and child care providers and monitor your child's play, artwork and behavior both inside and outside your home.

Contact me or a profession if you notice any of the following:

* Your child continues to repeat the same theme.
* You notice an increasing amount of violence in the play.
* Your child becomes physically or verbally aggressive.
* You notice any changes in sleeping, eating or behavior patterns.
* Your child is experiencing nightmares
* Your child has become more fearful
* Your child is having difficult separating from you or caregivers

To help your child, monitor and limit your child's exposure to information and details in the news and maintain open lines of communication about the events (see tips on talking to your children about tragedies here).

Please contact me if you have questions kerrie@larosaparentcoach.com.

Grandma knows best? Staying Sane during the holiday craze- Part 2

12/13/2012

Holiday Spoiler #2: Conflicts with relatives about how to discipline your child. You tell your eight-year-old that it is time to go to bed and he informs you that great aunt Ethel said he could stay up as late as he wants.

Tip: You are the parent and you are in charge!
- Gently remind your child and your relatives who is in charge of discipline (you and your partner).
- Prior to spending time with relatives let them know what you
expect of your child so that they can support you in your discipline efforts.
- Remind your child of the household rules prior to visiting with relatives (as well as during the visits).
- Offer extra incentive through rewards or sticker charts for behaviors that are especially challenging for your child.
- Give relatives ideas of fun activities to play with your child and treats to doll out (in moderation) so they can enjoy a fun role and you can maintain control of the schedule and discipline.

For more tips on keeping your spirit while keeping your cool, stay
tuned

Staying sane during the holiday craze

12/8/2012

The Holidays are here! They can be magical and they can be stressful, especially with children. For the next several weeks I will I will share tips on managing the stress and making the holidays enjoyable for you and your children.

Holiday Spoiler #1: Out of Control Children: Your toddler is running around the house screaming like a banshee, leaving trails of holiday cookie crumbs, it’s two hours past bedtime and your living room is filled with relatives visiting from out of town.

Tip: Maintain Routine during the Holiday Craze

Just say no. Limit your engagements so your family isn’t overwhelmed and overtired.

Treats in moderation. Focus on healthy eating at home so your child is free to enjoy treats at parties, school and with relatives. Teach your child about moderation and be a role model for him so he learns to say “No, Thank You” (although younger children will need more guidance).

Maintain good sleep habits. Stick to regular bedtimes and wake times as much as possible. If you know that you will be at a party late one night, schedule some low-key rest and play time at home the next morning.

Spend one-on-one time with your child playing (even 10 minutes a day). Your child will cherish that more than any present and you will enjoy the benefits of a happier child!

Give yourself a break. Prioritize your list of things to do and add some downtime for yourself to relax and maintain energy throughout this busy time (even if it is 10 minutes a day).

For more tips, stay tuned.

Learning can be messy

11/29/2012

Learning can be messy

Before becoming parents, many people have visions of those blissful moments of the baby's first steps, the child learning to ride a bike and the teenager's smile as she drives the car by herself for the first time.

In imagination, these are movie-like moments. The sun is shining, music is playing in the background and it is all happening in slow motion so the parent can savor the moment.

Unfortunately, it does not always happen this way. Not that these moments are not happy or exciting, but they may not go as smoothly as hoped. Your baby may stumble after taking her first step, your child may have endured tears of frustration before mastering the bike without training wheels and you may be
avoiding the neighbors looks as your teen drives off blasting loud music and honking her horn.

Learning is messy (literally and figuratively). Literally, learning can create a mess that needs to be cleaned up from the messy faces and floors while children learn to eat their first foods to the spilled milk as a toddler learns to drink from a cup, to mismatched outfits and potty training (need I say more).

Figuratively, learning can be a messy process. Watching your child get frustrated and struggle to tie his own shoe, witnessing your child's disappointment when she did not receive the grade she wanted on her homework and feeling the anxiety (and bumps) as your teen learns to parralel park.

There is a way to avoid these messes: take over and do it yourself. But then your child will not learn for themselves how to do these things (and you will end up working harder than you need to).

Everyday there are moments when a parent can take the opportunity to help their child learn. You have a choice to step out of the way, let them struggle, stay calm, and tolerate their mistakes and messes. By doing this you can build confidence, encourage self reliance and foster autonomy in your child.

Please share your child's messiest learning experience!

Remember to Play

11/10/2012

Play is a topic I feel so passionate about that I have written previous posts about play and will dedicate the next few weeks to writing more about it.

Play is a child's work. Through play, children develop gross and fine motor skills; learn academic, social, and emotional skills; build self confidence and connect with others. Reserving some time for play each day is important for a child's development as well as for the parent-child relationship.

Play can also prevent misbehavior. Often when parents are struggling with a child behavior issue I remind them to play with their child everyday using the skills I wrote about in this guide: The Best Ways to Play This small investment in time (as little as 10 minutes each day) can reduce the number of behavior issues.

Happy Playing!

Either Shape up or Ship out

11/1/2012

We may want to shout this at times, but unfortunately, it usually does not get the result we want - which is to have our children comply with our commands. When done right, offering choices can be a very effective parenting technique. It can be used both as a discipline tool and as a way to empower children and encourage their independence.

Children don't have a lot of input in what they do or where they go. Offering them choices throughout the day gives them a sense of empowerment and independence. If they are given a lot of choices during the day they are less likely to resist the times they do not have a choice. Offer simple, benign choices such as, "Would you like to play with your blocks or your cars? Would you like to wear the blue shirt of the yellow shirt?"

Using choices as a discipline tool can be harder, but it can also be very effective. Your child may not have a choice about whether to leave the park or not, but you could give him/her the choice of how to leave the park: "Would you like to walk home or run home, or when you leave a friend's house, "Would you like to leave now or in 5 minutes?". Parents often ask children questions rather than give direct commands, for example: "Would you like to have dinner now?" We are trying to be polite, but we give them the option to say no. I assume that in most households children do not have the choice of whether to have dinner or not, but they might have the choice to decide how they will eat. "Would you like to use your blue fork or your red fork tonight?" This tactic often redirects children enough to start thinking about their choices, rather than resisting the command.

A few things to keep in mind when using choices: keep them simple and easy-to-understand, give only two choices (more than two can be overwhelming), and make sure you can live with either choice (if you give your child the option to put his shoes on or stay home, you better be ok with forgoing your plans if he chooses that option).

Finding the humor in parenting

10/24/2012

One calm and quiet morning, the birds were chirping, the sun was
shining and the children in the house were listening well and playing nicely together. So, I let my guard down. I stepped out of the room to put a few dishes away and then it got really quiet - too quiet. It was the calm before the storm. Within a matter of minutes, my son was running around with no pants, there was toilet paper (fortunately unused) all over the living room, the bathroom door was locked (although nobody was in it), my daughter was crying because it was naptime, and my mother-in-law would knock at the door at any moment.

Yikes! Parenting can certainly be a challenge, even for those trained to tackle these tough moments. I took lots of deep breaths and calmly addressed one issue at a time. I put my daughter down for a nap, convinced my son that he had to wear pants and clean up the toilet paper in order to go to the park with Grandma, and I got out the screwdriver and fixed the bathroom lock, all before my mother-in-law arrived.

In the moment I was ready to scream. This was not how I envisioned my life as a parent - talking to myself to calm down, fixing doorknobs while the kids jumped on couches and "toilet-papered" my living room. Looking back, it is a pretty funny image. And, it is all part of parenting. Living in the moment, taking lots of deep breaths and finding the humor in it all.

Mommy, mommy, mommy!

1/10/2012

A parent, recently asked me this question: "My five-year-old (and oldest child) is very demanding of my attention when it comes to play. He'd rather wait around, pester, and complain about my lack of attention (while I do dishes, laundry etc.) until I finally am done. Of course, we are tired of grousing at each other by that stage. Is there anyway to keep the kids happy without the house falling down around our ears?"

Very good question! I think we have all been there. We have a list of a million things to do and a child (or children) who needs, wants, demands our attention. So how do we do it?

* Spend 15 minutes of play time. 15 minutes may not seem like much, but the key is that you are giving your child your undivided attention - no interruptions. If you start the day with the 15 minutes, your child may feel a bit more satisfied and might be willing to wait out the chores.

* As much as possible try and create a routine or schedule that you stick with so your child gets accustomed to when you need to do the chores. You have breakfast, clean up, 15 minutes of playtime, then the chore of the day. I realize I am oversimplifying
life, but the more predictable things are for children the better.

* Enlist your child's help so they are involved in the chores and spending time with you. It may take longer, but having your child help gather the laundry, pour in the soap and press start can be very fulfilling for your child and teaches him responsibility.

* Give your child a sense of when you will be done. You can set a timer or put on music and let your child know that once they go off, you will be ready to play.

* Create a chore list. Let your child know: "This morning I need to change the sheets on the bed, empty the dishwasher and fold the clothes." Have her help you write a list (or draw a picture of each chore). Once the chore is complete you can both cross the chore
off the list together.

* Give him a task to work on while you do the chores: finding all the legos you hide in the living room, drawing a family portrait, or counting how many letter A's he can find in his favorite book.

* If these ideas don't placate your child, try firmer tactics like ignoring the grousing; giving her a choice to help with the tasks or playing quietly; offering a reward for her patience; or removing a privilege.

If you have a parenting question, please comment here or email me at kerrie@parentcoachsf.com and I will respond in an upcoming blog. Your identity will remain anonymous.

Happy New Year!

1/1/2012

It is a start to a brand new year. Time to look forward and think about your goals and expectations for the coming year - and of course make those new year's resolutions! Many parents talk to me about their parenting New Year's Resolutions. On January 1st they make goals to be more patient, spend more time with their children, and slow down their busy lives to enjoy small moments with their children.

These are admirable New Year's resolutions. The problem with resolutions in general is that we set lofty, vague goals that are difficult to achieve and maintain. So, how can we turn New Year's resolutions into everday reality? Set small, managable goals and celebrate each small step towards the goal. Once you have achieved those smaller goals, feel free to reach higher and push yourself to do more.

In order to be a more patient parent, focus on specific ways to achieve that. Take lots of deep breaths and take time for yourself (even if it is 5 minutes a day)! If you want to spend more time with your children - set a small goal of leaving a few minutes early from work, one day each week. If your goal is to be more present, focus on spending at least 10 minutes of play time with your child each day (without distractions or electronics).

The key is to start small, make it manageable, be realistic and be kind to yourself. Celebrating the small successes will fuel your motivation to keep trying.