On October 30th I pondered what my daughter's first real trick-or-treating experience would be like. We had an adorable costume and planned a fun and festive Halloween!
In my mind the night would go something like this: My daughter would excitedly put on her costume and keep it on (hat and all), she would sit still for pictures with her brother and she would wow the neighbors with her cuteness. But, it went more like this: she ran away from me every time I tried to put on her costume, she wore her hat for two seconds, (a crucial part of the costume - without it she looked like a red blob, not Elmo), she refused to trick-or-treat, and you can see how the picture turned out! It was not the night that I had planned.
I've been burned by great expectations before - preparing myself for a magical holiday that actually turns out to be far less than the perfect image I had in my mind.
But that is life and that is parenting. When do things go exactly as we anticipate? Sometimes, if we are lucky, they go better than expected. But, often they don't go quite as well as we were hoping.
Can we plan? Yes! This helps us to handle the unexpected twists and turns that are likely to occur, such as:
A diaper blowout that ruins the beautiful outfit for the family photo shoot, or a last minute change in holiday plans because of a sick child, or a delicious dinner you spent hours making that nobody will eat because they prefer boxed macaroni and cheese!
I know to manage my expectations of how things will really play out, but I didn't do it this time. The result: I was disappointed and less flexible.
However, when I do manage my expectations better, I am more relaxed (which usually means things go smoother), I am able to meet my child's needs rather than my own need for a fun holiday and I am able to adapt better to the twists and turns that are inevitable with children.
So, as we start to head into the holiday season (I can't believe I am saying this, but I see it all around already!), this is a reminder to myself too: manage expectations and:
- Avoid any pre-holiday day dreaming.
- Prepare for the possible twists and turns
- Be realistic about what your kids can handle (children still need routine and consistency during the holidays)
- Remember that it is the simple things that make children happy. Spending time with you is all they need!
In my mind the night would go something like this: My daughter would excitedly put on her costume and keep it on (hat and all), she would sit still for pictures with her brother and she would wow the neighbors with her cuteness. But, it went more like this: she ran away from me every time I tried to put on her costume, she wore her hat for two seconds, (a crucial part of the costume - without it she looked like a red blob, not Elmo), she refused to trick-or-treat, and you can see how the picture turned out! It was not the night that I had planned.
I've been burned by great expectations before - preparing myself for a magical holiday that actually turns out to be far less than the perfect image I had in my mind.
But that is life and that is parenting. When do things go exactly as we anticipate? Sometimes, if we are lucky, they go better than expected. But, often they don't go quite as well as we were hoping.
Can we plan? Yes! This helps us to handle the unexpected twists and turns that are likely to occur, such as:
A diaper blowout that ruins the beautiful outfit for the family photo shoot, or a last minute change in holiday plans because of a sick child, or a delicious dinner you spent hours making that nobody will eat because they prefer boxed macaroni and cheese!
I know to manage my expectations of how things will really play out, but I didn't do it this time. The result: I was disappointed and less flexible.
However, when I do manage my expectations better, I am more relaxed (which usually means things go smoother), I am able to meet my child's needs rather than my own need for a fun holiday and I am able to adapt better to the twists and turns that are inevitable with children.
So, as we start to head into the holiday season (I can't believe I am saying this, but I see it all around already!), this is a reminder to myself too: manage expectations and:
- Avoid any pre-holiday day dreaming.
- Prepare for the possible twists and turns
- Be realistic about what your kids can handle (children still need routine and consistency during the holidays)
- Remember that it is the simple things that make children happy. Spending time with you is all they need!
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