"The happiest, most successful children have parents who do not do for them what they are capable of doing, or almost capable of doing"
~ Raising Successful Children by Madeline Levine (New York Times Opinion Article 8/4/2012)
My daughter learned a new phrase today:
"Do it myself!"
As I heard the words, I felt a mix of pride and anxiety.
I feel pride because my daughter is eager to learn and acquiring new skills - skills that might make my job easier (when she can get herself ready without help!). I feel a bit of anxiety because with the exclamation, "do it myself" often comes tears of frustration, struggles and the knowledge that my little girl is no longer a baby.
Whether your child is a toddler or a teen, they will have many moments when they want to "do it themselves". It is normal for parents to feel a mix of emotions as children learn new skills and gain independence. Children feel a mix of emotions while they are learning too. They want to be independent, they want to learn new skills and to be able to do things on their own. But, it can feel scary to them to gain independence from their parents.
When children ask for independence and want to learn something new, it is important to step aside, but stay close. Children need their parent's emotional support to try new things and help them recover when they make mistakes. But staying close does not mean taking over when it gets too hard. It is a balancing act. Letting your child struggle, letting go of perfection and tolerating the frustration that often accompanies learning something new. By sitting with them and providing them emotional support as they struggle, you are teaching them patience and persistence. You also send them the crucial message that they are capable. If a child does not feel capable, he will still survive, but will he thrive?
~ Raising Successful Children by Madeline Levine (New York Times Opinion Article 8/4/2012)
My daughter learned a new phrase today:
"Do it myself!"
As I heard the words, I felt a mix of pride and anxiety.
I feel pride because my daughter is eager to learn and acquiring new skills - skills that might make my job easier (when she can get herself ready without help!). I feel a bit of anxiety because with the exclamation, "do it myself" often comes tears of frustration, struggles and the knowledge that my little girl is no longer a baby.
Whether your child is a toddler or a teen, they will have many moments when they want to "do it themselves". It is normal for parents to feel a mix of emotions as children learn new skills and gain independence. Children feel a mix of emotions while they are learning too. They want to be independent, they want to learn new skills and to be able to do things on their own. But, it can feel scary to them to gain independence from their parents.
When children ask for independence and want to learn something new, it is important to step aside, but stay close. Children need their parent's emotional support to try new things and help them recover when they make mistakes. But staying close does not mean taking over when it gets too hard. It is a balancing act. Letting your child struggle, letting go of perfection and tolerating the frustration that often accompanies learning something new. By sitting with them and providing them emotional support as they struggle, you are teaching them patience and persistence. You also send them the crucial message that they are capable. If a child does not feel capable, he will still survive, but will he thrive?
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