Just the other day, I took my toddler to Trader Joes - he loves the "customer in training" shopping cart. It is a nice little outing for us. I can cross something off my to-do list and he feels very important helping me by pushing and loading the cart. However, as charming as my little boy is, he is a typical toddler. He loves attention and when he wants something, he has no qualms about screeching at the top of his lungs to try and get it. He does this for several reasons: he is trying to assert his autonomy; he is still figuring out how to communicate his needs; he hasn't learned how to regulate his emotions; and, finally, because he knows it gets my attention (along with the rest of the store patrons).
Despite all of my training and experience as a professional, these moments test not only my parenting skills but also my patience.
Have you ever felt embarrased by the way your child behaves in public - wondering what other people think about your parenting? It is in these moments that we are tempted to bribe our child with their favorite treat to get them to stop embarrasing us. Unfortunately that almost guarantees a repeat perfomance the next time we are out.
So what do we do as the tantrum gets louder and our anxiety starts to rise? Stay calm. Take deep breaths. Focus on our child rather than the onlookers. By staying calm, we help calm our children. Toddlers especially are full of emotion and they often trigger our anxiety and test our patience. It is up to us as parents to help them learn to manage their own feelings by first managing ours. Children need to know that we can handle their emotions. It makes them feel safe.
There is a wonderful book called Screamfree Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel that discusses how managing our own anxiety can make us better, calmer and more effective parents. www.screamfree.com
Despite all of my training and experience as a professional, these moments test not only my parenting skills but also my patience.
Have you ever felt embarrased by the way your child behaves in public - wondering what other people think about your parenting? It is in these moments that we are tempted to bribe our child with their favorite treat to get them to stop embarrasing us. Unfortunately that almost guarantees a repeat perfomance the next time we are out.
So what do we do as the tantrum gets louder and our anxiety starts to rise? Stay calm. Take deep breaths. Focus on our child rather than the onlookers. By staying calm, we help calm our children. Toddlers especially are full of emotion and they often trigger our anxiety and test our patience. It is up to us as parents to help them learn to manage their own feelings by first managing ours. Children need to know that we can handle their emotions. It makes them feel safe.
There is a wonderful book called Screamfree Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel that discusses how managing our own anxiety can make us better, calmer and more effective parents. www.screamfree.com
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