When I ask my son to do something, the response varies depending on his mood. He may comply immediately; he may say “no” (quite likely); he may ignore me; or occasionally he will say no and then comply the second time I ask. Of course I am always hoping that he will comply immediately, but he is a toddler, so that is not necessarily the norm. I, then I hope for the last scenario – that he will comply the second time around. I really don’t want to engage in a power struggle, make a scene or think of a clever way to get him to comply. How do we encourage cooperation in a toddler?
First of all, I know better than to ever ask, but I do it, because it seems more polite. When I ask a question, (“could you pick up your toys please?”), I am giving him the option to say no. However, if I politely, but firmly give a command, “please pick up your toys” he is more likely to comply (likely being the key word!). The more clear, concise and specific I am with my commands, “please put your trucks in the blue bin”, the more likely he will comply.
Second, I realize that when he does not comply right away, I have a hard time letting go of the hope that he will eventually comply, thereby dragging out the situation. I waffle back and forth, and then he waffles back and forth. We are at a stand-still. I need to just rip the band-aid off. I need to think quick, dig into my arsenal of parenting techniques and decide which one is best. Should I offer him a choice, “either pick up your toys or we can’t go to the park”. Or should I encourage him by saying, “as soon as you put away your toys we can read books”. Or do I just wait and see what happens?
If I am wishy-washy and can’t decide what to do, how do I expect my toddler to make a decision? Whatever I decide I need to have confidence in my decision – and just do it! When I am confident in my parenting choices, I remind my child that I am the parent. I am providing him with the structure and support that he needs to make good decisions. And, I am reducing his anxiety about the situation, by taking pressure off him, yet, empowering him to make a choice. The sooner I rip the band aid off, the sooner we can move on to the next adventure!
First of all, I know better than to ever ask, but I do it, because it seems more polite. When I ask a question, (“could you pick up your toys please?”), I am giving him the option to say no. However, if I politely, but firmly give a command, “please pick up your toys” he is more likely to comply (likely being the key word!). The more clear, concise and specific I am with my commands, “please put your trucks in the blue bin”, the more likely he will comply.
Second, I realize that when he does not comply right away, I have a hard time letting go of the hope that he will eventually comply, thereby dragging out the situation. I waffle back and forth, and then he waffles back and forth. We are at a stand-still. I need to just rip the band-aid off. I need to think quick, dig into my arsenal of parenting techniques and decide which one is best. Should I offer him a choice, “either pick up your toys or we can’t go to the park”. Or should I encourage him by saying, “as soon as you put away your toys we can read books”. Or do I just wait and see what happens?
If I am wishy-washy and can’t decide what to do, how do I expect my toddler to make a decision? Whatever I decide I need to have confidence in my decision – and just do it! When I am confident in my parenting choices, I remind my child that I am the parent. I am providing him with the structure and support that he needs to make good decisions. And, I am reducing his anxiety about the situation, by taking pressure off him, yet, empowering him to make a choice. The sooner I rip the band aid off, the sooner we can move on to the next adventure!
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