I have had parents say, if I can't yell and I can't spank children, then what can I do to get my children to listen to me?
There are lots of different discipline strategies. Some work better than others depending on the behavior and the temperament of the child. But, they are harder to implement than yelling or spanking. But, the benefit of these alternative discipline techniques is that they are more effective in the long term and work to improve your relationship rather than add strain to it.
These alternative discipline techniques require patience. So, the first step is to take care of yourself. Prioritize taking breaks, making time for yourself as impossible as it seems. Even if it is 5 minutes a day it can make you a better parent. You need to put on your own oxygen mask first . Parenting is challenging. Children push your buttons, they stretch your patience and sometimes can drive you absolutely bonkers! So the more you can fill up your bucket of patience the more likely you will have the patience to calmly handle the challenging moments.
Next, you want to be equipped with the right discipline tools. Think about the recurring behaviors and come up with a plan for how to handle them. If your child continues to hit his sister. Decide how you want to address it and be consistent. Will you use time out, will you separate the siblings, will you teach alternative ways for your child to express his frustration?
Let your actions speak louder than your words. The beauty of choosing the right discipline technique is that you may not even have to speak (or yell). If your child throws a toy, the toy is put away - you don't even need to say anything. If you are consistent, your child will learn that if she misuses her toys she will not get to play with them.
Wait a minute. If your child is pushing your buttons and you are not sure what to do. Take a minute, think about how you want to address the situation before you react. Unless there is an issue of safety, you don't need to respond immediately to discipline effectively.
If you do yell and feel badly about it afterwards, forgive yourself. And, ask your child for forgiveness. You can maintain the limit your were setting and still apologize for how you delivered the message. For example, "I am sorry for yelling. It is not ok to hit your sister and if it happens again you will still need to go to time out, but I will work on telling you to go to time out in a calmer voice." Everybody makes mistakes, it is how we reconcile those mistakes that really matters. If you are patient with yourself, it will be easier to be patient with your children.
There are lots of different discipline strategies. Some work better than others depending on the behavior and the temperament of the child. But, they are harder to implement than yelling or spanking. But, the benefit of these alternative discipline techniques is that they are more effective in the long term and work to improve your relationship rather than add strain to it.
These alternative discipline techniques require patience. So, the first step is to take care of yourself. Prioritize taking breaks, making time for yourself as impossible as it seems. Even if it is 5 minutes a day it can make you a better parent. You need to put on your own oxygen mask first . Parenting is challenging. Children push your buttons, they stretch your patience and sometimes can drive you absolutely bonkers! So the more you can fill up your bucket of patience the more likely you will have the patience to calmly handle the challenging moments.
Next, you want to be equipped with the right discipline tools. Think about the recurring behaviors and come up with a plan for how to handle them. If your child continues to hit his sister. Decide how you want to address it and be consistent. Will you use time out, will you separate the siblings, will you teach alternative ways for your child to express his frustration?
Let your actions speak louder than your words. The beauty of choosing the right discipline technique is that you may not even have to speak (or yell). If your child throws a toy, the toy is put away - you don't even need to say anything. If you are consistent, your child will learn that if she misuses her toys she will not get to play with them.
Wait a minute. If your child is pushing your buttons and you are not sure what to do. Take a minute, think about how you want to address the situation before you react. Unless there is an issue of safety, you don't need to respond immediately to discipline effectively.
If you do yell and feel badly about it afterwards, forgive yourself. And, ask your child for forgiveness. You can maintain the limit your were setting and still apologize for how you delivered the message. For example, "I am sorry for yelling. It is not ok to hit your sister and if it happens again you will still need to go to time out, but I will work on telling you to go to time out in a calmer voice." Everybody makes mistakes, it is how we reconcile those mistakes that really matters. If you are patient with yourself, it will be easier to be patient with your children.
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