A positive parent-child relationship is essential for a child’s healthy social, emotional, physical and intellectual development. Spending time with a child is the best way to build a strong parent-child connection, but the quality of the time matters more than the quantity.
Most of you reading this blog probably already spend a tremendous amount of time focused on your children. Whether you are meeting their physical needs, staying home with them, worrying about them while you are at work or they are at school, helping them with homework or shuttling them to and from their various activities, you are spending a lot of time and energy on your children. But, the question is, whether all this time spent on children is fostering a positive parent-child connection.
It is possible to spend time with your children without making a lot of connections. But, when parents make connections with their children, children learn how to regulate their emotions, they develop social skills, their behavior improves and their brains are primed for learning.
It is so easy to get caught up in the everyday rush, but it is not possible to make connections while distracted. Making a connection requires a parent to slow down, be present and attune to the child’s needs.
Here are some ways to make the most out of everyday and connect with your child.
1. Figure out your Child’s Love Language
According to Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, co-authors of The 5 Love Languages of Children, children have different preferences for connecting with their parents. Figure out what your child’s preferred mode of connection is. If they are fueled by physical touch, give them lots of hugs throughout the day and spend time cuddling with them before bed. If they feel connected with quality time, spend time going for a walk, reading books together or playing a board game (even going on an errand together can be positive quality time).
2. Create Goodbye Rituals
Transitions can be challenging. Even though you are pressed for time during these transitions it is crucial to make a connection before separating and when reuniting. Create goodbye/goodnight rituals with your children and be sure to connect when you see each other again.
3. Steal Small Moments
Spending quality time does have to be long or involved. There are lots of opportunities throughout the day to make connections so take advantage of them. Appreciate your child for taking out the trash, stop what you are doing to marvel at their latest lego creation, sit with your child while they are drawing, join your child in play, take an interest in their interests and listen when they want to tell you about their day (without judgment or questions).
4. Limit distractions
There are so many things pulling on parents both inside and outside the home. It is not possible to give children 100% of a parent’s time or attention (nor is it necessary). But there are times when it is important to put aside the distractions (phones, to-do lists) and focus on children in order to be fully present
5. Tune In
Making connections is more than being in the same room; it is about being tuned into your child’s emotional needs. When the distractions are put away it is easier to pay attention to and meet a child’s needs.
It is possible to spend time with your children without making a lot of connections. But, when parents make connections with their children, children learn how to regulate their emotions, they develop social skills, their behavior improves and their brains are primed for learning.
It is so easy to get caught up in the everyday rush, but it is not possible to make connections while distracted. Making a connection requires a parent to slow down, be present and attune to the child’s needs.
Here are some ways to make the most out of everyday and connect with your child.
1. Figure out your Child’s Love Language
According to Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, co-authors of The 5 Love Languages of Children, children have different preferences for connecting with their parents. Figure out what your child’s preferred mode of connection is. If they are fueled by physical touch, give them lots of hugs throughout the day and spend time cuddling with them before bed. If they feel connected with quality time, spend time going for a walk, reading books together or playing a board game (even going on an errand together can be positive quality time).
2. Create Goodbye Rituals
Transitions can be challenging. Even though you are pressed for time during these transitions it is crucial to make a connection before separating and when reuniting. Create goodbye/goodnight rituals with your children and be sure to connect when you see each other again.
3. Steal Small Moments
Spending quality time does have to be long or involved. There are lots of opportunities throughout the day to make connections so take advantage of them. Appreciate your child for taking out the trash, stop what you are doing to marvel at their latest lego creation, sit with your child while they are drawing, join your child in play, take an interest in their interests and listen when they want to tell you about their day (without judgment or questions).
4. Limit distractions
There are so many things pulling on parents both inside and outside the home. It is not possible to give children 100% of a parent’s time or attention (nor is it necessary). But there are times when it is important to put aside the distractions (phones, to-do lists) and focus on children in order to be fully present
5. Tune In
Making connections is more than being in the same room; it is about being tuned into your child’s emotional needs. When the distractions are put away it is easier to pay attention to and meet a child’s needs.
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