I don't mean stop setting limits or holding expectations for your child, but stop intervening when it's unnecessary.
A child's job is to learn to do things for herself and when adults do for children what they can do for themselves, they send a message:
"You are not capable"
But, when adults step aside (in a loving, empathic and supportive way), they send a different message:
"You are capable, I have faith in you"
When I stopped telling my children what to do they blossomed. They gained confidence in their abilities, they developed problem solving skills, they were less anxious, took more risks, and learned to recover from mistakes. All of these skills are essential for optimal learning, development and success.
So, I fight my instincts to intervene too quickly or make decisions for my children in order to give them the space to do it themselves.
Instead of dressing my daughter for school so she looks cute, I let her choose her outfit and dress herself.
Instead of insisting my child makes his bed the way I like it, I step aside and let him do it his way.
Instead of jumping in every time my children argue, I give them time and space to resolve their conflict on their own.
Instead of telling my son how to spell a difficult word I encourage him to figure it out on his own.
Instead of getting angry when my child spills her water, I tell her that everyone makes mistakes.
Instead of cleaning up my daughter's spilt water, I offer her a towel to clean it up herself.
It is hard to see children struggle, to let them do things imperfectly, to make mistakes and to let go of some control. But, when we do, we offer them invaluable experiences that instill confidence, opportunities to develop new skills and the courage to take risks.
A child's job is to learn to do things for herself and when adults do for children what they can do for themselves, they send a message:
"You are not capable"
But, when adults step aside (in a loving, empathic and supportive way), they send a different message:
"You are capable, I have faith in you"
When I stopped telling my children what to do they blossomed. They gained confidence in their abilities, they developed problem solving skills, they were less anxious, took more risks, and learned to recover from mistakes. All of these skills are essential for optimal learning, development and success.
So, I fight my instincts to intervene too quickly or make decisions for my children in order to give them the space to do it themselves.
Instead of dressing my daughter for school so she looks cute, I let her choose her outfit and dress herself.
Instead of insisting my child makes his bed the way I like it, I step aside and let him do it his way.
Instead of jumping in every time my children argue, I give them time and space to resolve their conflict on their own.
Instead of telling my son how to spell a difficult word I encourage him to figure it out on his own.
Instead of getting angry when my child spills her water, I tell her that everyone makes mistakes.
Instead of cleaning up my daughter's spilt water, I offer her a towel to clean it up herself.
It is hard to see children struggle, to let them do things imperfectly, to make mistakes and to let go of some control. But, when we do, we offer them invaluable experiences that instill confidence, opportunities to develop new skills and the courage to take risks.
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